DAY 1 DRAMA
Characters: Duchess, Albert, Sir Laughsalot, Eldrick 
Theme music
The DUCHESS stomps onto the stage from inside the castle. 
DUCHESS: (fuming and pacing) Who does the King think he is? He can’t tell me what to do. No one can. He thinks he’s so wise, but he doesn’t know everything. “Absolute truth” . . . ha! What is truth, anyway? I could be a much better ruler than him. Why, if I sat on that throne . . . (thinking) Yes . . . if I were queen . . . (cunningly) And why not? Why shouldn’t I be queen? I wouldn’t let all that power go to waste. (smugly) And I would look rather marvelous wearing a crown! (self-satisfied laughter, then a pause) There’s no time to waste. I must come up with a plan. And I may need some assistance . . . 
The DUCHESS exits. ALBERT enters via an aisle and walks toward the stage, talking to himself energetically, full of naïve excitement and anticipation.
ALBERT: Today is the day! I can’t believe I’m finally here. After years of just dreaming about it, I’m finally going to become a Knight of the Square Table!
ALBERT arrives at the castle gate. A voice booms from behind the gate.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Halt! Who goes there?
ALBERT: (trying to sound as official as he can) My name is Albert, and I have come from Faraway to join the Knights of the Square Table!
SIR LAUGHSALOT: I’m sorry, but I can’t let you in. (tone changing from serious to almost silly) First, you have to knock!
ALBERT: Uh, okay . . . (gives two loud consecutive knocks on the door.)
SIR LAUGHSALOT: (playfully) Who’s there?
Albert: (confused) It’s still me.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Me who?
ALBERT: Me Albert. Albert from the land of Faraway.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: (exasperated) No, no, no, that’s not how it’s done! Like this. Say, knock knock.
ALBERT: Uh, okay . . . Knock, knock.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Who’s there? (in a loud whisper) Now say, Boo.
Albert: Boo!
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Now I say, booo whooo. And then you ask me why I’m crying! See? Hilarious! 
He laughs hysterically and opens the gate. ALBERT walks through into the castle courtyard. 
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Welcome to the castle! I don’t let anybody in without a joke. I love jokes. Here’s a good one! Why did the knight fight with a sword made of cheddar cheese? 
ALBERT: (very confused) Um . . . I don’t know, why?
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Because the cheese was extra sharp! 
He bursts out laughing again. ALBERT chuckles hesitantly, still a bit confused. Suddenly, GEORGE THE DRAGON groans [GROAN sfx].
ALBERT: (jumping) Wha-what was that?!
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Oh, that was just old George! The not-so-fearsome dragon who “guards” (using air quotes) the castle. But, he really just eats and sleeps most of the time.
GEORGE THE DRAGON roars in protest [ROAR sfx].
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Well, you do! (to ALBERT) The Princess treats him like her pet, giving him treats all the time. (to GEORGE, playfully) If you weren’t so fat and lazy, maybe you could do your job!
Then a big roar from GEORGE [BIG ROAR sfx], scaring SIR LAUGHSALOT, who jumps and falls backwards.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Okay, okay! Sorry, old boy. (standing up and saying under his breath to ALBERT) He may be fat and lazy, but he can still breathe fire!
ELDRICK approaches. He carries a large, worn hardcover or leather Bible tucked under his arm.
Eldrick: Hello there. Who is this?
ALBERT: (reaching out to shake ELDRICK’S hand) I’m Albert!
Eldrick: Nice to meet you, young man. (ALBERT is still eagerly shaking ELDRICK’S hand until ELDRICK clears his throat and removes his hand) You’ll have to excuse Sir Laughsalot. When he’s guarding the gate, the price to enter is a joke . . . quite literally.
Albert: Wait a minute. Did you say Sir Laughsalot? You’re a knight? A real-life Knight of the Square Table?!
SIR LAUGHSALOT: That’s right, my fine fellow. And this is Eldrick, a very wise—and very old—advisor to the King. 
Eldrick: I heard that.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Well, at least your age hasn’t affected your hearing!
ELDRICK doesn’t find this amusing, but SIR LAUGHSALOT does.
Albert: Nice to meet you both. I’m here to become a Knight of the Square Table! It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember.
Eldrick: That’s very nice, Albert, but unfortunately it isn’t quite that simple.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Yeah, you can’t just waltz in here and become a knight on your first day! It takes a long time. Like, really, really, really, really long. 
Eldrick: It can take years to become a knight. Do you have any experience, Albert?
Albert: Well . . . I haven’t used a real sword . . . but my brothers and I fought with sticks all the time growing up! And my father has told me all the stories and legends about the Knights of the Square Table!
Eldrick: And why  you want to become a knight?
Albert: Well . . . I want to serve the king and help protect the kingdom. I want to do brave deeds and help people.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: You know, I was just about your age when I first came here.  Well, maybe a little older . . .  . . . definitely stronger . . .  And maybe just a little bit—okay, a lot—better looking . . . 
ELDRICK: (disapprovingly) Aren’t you supposed to be guarding the gate?
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Touché.
SIR LAUGHSALOT dashes to the gate and ELDRICK invites ALBERT to follow him to a bench where they sit down.
Eldrick: Albert, you must have the proper training and prove yourself first before you can become a knight. 
Albert: I’m ready to learn! But I already know everything there is to know about sword fights and battles and dragons. I’ve read every book that I could get my hands on!
Eldrick: But have you read the Book of Truth?
Albert: The Book of what?
Eldrick: The Book of Truth. It’s the book the knight’s code comes from. The Book of Truth is the Word of God. It’s the source of absolute truth. Absolute truth is true for all people everywhere—past, present, and future. Without a standard of absolute truth, how do we know what’s good and what’s evil? 
Albert: I never thought about that before.
Eldrick: A knight knows that God has told us what is true, what is good, in his Word. God cannot lie. But his enemy, Satan, is the father of lies and of evil. When you do battle, whether with your sword or with your words, you must stand for absolute truth. Only then can you serve the King and become a Knight of the Square Table.
Albert: (after a pause) I think I understand. I want to become a knight even more now!
ELDRICK: (chuckling) I believe you do. And I’m willing to teach you. But you must begin by studying the Book of Truth for yourself. Here, you may have this. (hands ALBERT his Bible) It’s a very old copy, full of my notes and scribblings from throughout the years. I pray you will cherish it as much as I have.
Albert: I will! Thank you!
Eldrick: Sir Laughsalot can train you with the sword. He’s a funny fellow, but he believes the Book of Truth, obeys God, and serves his King. Oh, speaking of him . . . 
SIR LAUGHSALOT approaches. He has brought ALBERT a sword. ALBERT rises and sets the Bible on the bench. ELDRICK remains seated.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: It’s Sir Percival’s turn to stand guard at the gate. I’ve decided to give you a chance, Albert! Ready for your first sword fighting lesson?
ALBERT: (jumping up) Yes! 
SIR LAUGHSALOT hands ALBERT a sword, but it’s heavier than ALBERT was anticipating, and he stumbles and falls forward. SIR LAUGHSALOT and ELDRICK react but ALBERT stands up again clumsily.
Albert: Oof! . . . I’m all right! (grips the sword incorrectly and comically, getting into position) En garde!
SIR LAUGHSALOT: (laughing) Whoooa, not so fast, my young friend. Let’s start with the basics. Here, hold your sword like this. (fixes ALBERT’S awkward position) You’ve got to grip it properly with both hands. (demonstrates) That’s right. Keep your elbows bent and close to your body.
Albert: Like this?
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Yes, good! Now, always hold your sword at the ready. The ready position helps you react faster to your opponent.
Eldrick: Just like knowing the truth of God’s Word keeps us “at the ready” to give an answer when someone asks us about what we believe.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: That’s right! Now, there are eight different angles of an attack. (demonstrating as he describes each attack) Straight down from above; straight up from below; diagonally down to the left; diagonally down to the right; diagonally up from the left; diagonally up from the right; right to left horizontally; and left to right horizontally. Now you try. Take it slowly, now. I’m going to block your blows with my sword. Just go like we’re moving in slooow moootion.
ALBERT performs each attack in slow motion and SIR LAUGHSALOT blocks each blow with his sword. ALBERT could forget a move now and then and SIR LAUGHSALOT could remind him. All three characters could ad lib or vocally react throughout, until all eight attack angles have been performed. As they cross swords on the final and eighth attack, the DUCHESS enters.
Duchess: Well, well, well. What have we here?
SIR LAUGHSALOT and ALBERT lower their swords.
Eldrick: Good morning, Your Grace. 
Duchess: Good morning, Eldrick . . . Sir Laughsalot. And who is this?
SIR LAUGHSALOT: A future Knight of the Square Table! Our new friend, Albert.
Albert: Hello, ma’am—uh, my lady—er, Your Grace.
DUCHESS: (chuckling) Hello, young man. So, you’re training to become a knight, are you?
Albert: I am!
Duchess: (chuckles) And where are you from, Albert?
Albert: The land of Faraway.
Duchess: Well, welcome to the castle. (pause) You know, I should like to get to know our new young knight a little better. (To ELDRICK and SIR LAUGHSALOT) May I talk to him for a few moments?
ELDRICK: (hesitantly) As you wish, Your Grace. But don’t be too long, Albert.
ELDRICK and SIR LAUGHSALOT exit, carrying the swords.
Duchess: Come, Albert. Let’s take a little stroll.
They slowly walk down an aisle while talking.
Duchess: Tell me what you have learned so far, young man.
ALBERT: (nervously) Um, well . . . Eldrick gave me my first lesson about absolute truth. And Sir Laughsalot is teaching me to sword fight!
Duchess: Hmm . . . And what has Eldrick told you, exactly? About absolute truth?
Albert: Well . . . he said that God has given us a standard for absolute truth, his Word. It’s where the knight’s code comes from. Eldrick said if I want to be a knight, I need to trust God’s Word and stand for truth.
Duchess: Is that so?
Albert: Yes. Absolute truth is the same for all people everywhere, past, present, and future.
Duchess: You know, Albert, there are other ways—easier ways—to become a knight than by reading some dusty old book. I might be able to . . . speed up the process—that is, if you’d be willing to help me with something in return.
Albert: Really? Wow, thank you! What is it?
Duchess: I may need some information sometime. Will you keep your eyes and ears open for me?
Albert: You mean, like, spy?
DUCHESS: (chuckling) No, no, of course not. You’ll just be helping me keep up with all the goings on around here. It’s perfectly harmless. It’s important for a Duchess to stay informed, that’s all.
ALBERT: I guess I could do that.
ALBERT and the DUCHESS are back where they started on the stage. ELDRICK enters.
Duchess: It was nice to meet you, Albert. (lowering her voice) Remember what we talked about.
The DUCHESS exits and ALBERT meets ELDRICK.
Albert: The Duchess is nice!
ELDRICK: (cautiously) She may be nice, but can she be trusted? I’m not entirely sure whose side the Duchess is on . . . 
SIR LAUGHSALOT: (entering and babbling excitedly) Albert! Eldrick! I’ve got a new joke! Want to hear it? Who am I kidding, of course you want to hear it. Here goes . . . (realizing he’s getting ahead of himself) Oh . . . er, are you ready?
ALBERT: (laughing) Yes.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Okay. (takes a deep breath, does a quick vocal warmup, and “gets into character.”) Okay. Why did the knight polish his outfit before the King’s dinner party? 
ALBERT: (playing along) I don’t know. Why?
SIR LAUGHSALOT: . . . Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor! (holds his sides and collapses with laughter)
GEORGE THE DRAGON groans [GROAN sfx].
Eldrick: George is right. Enough horsing around, you two.
SIR LAUGHSALOT: (still laughing) Did you hear that, Albert? Eldrick’s voice sounds a little hoarse to me! What do you say, yay or neigh?
ALBERT: (laughing along) I think you mean  or ! (he neighs)
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Good one! Straight from the horse’s mouth!
Albert: Oh no! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!
They are both holding their sides on the ground laughing. Suddenly, a loud wail is heard from offstage. ALBERT jerks up and all three characters exchange worried looks.
Albert: What was that?
SIR LAUGHSALOT: I don’t know, but it sounds like a job for a Knight of the Square Table! (he jumps up, stretches out his sword, and proclaims his motto dramatically) All for me, and me for all! Wait . . . that’s not right. (muttering to himself) Me for one . . . for one and all . . . ? (gives up, shaking his head, then, holding out his sword again, he declares) Never mind! Come on, let’s go.
All three characters run off in the direction of the cry.
Theme music
DAY 2 DRAMA
Characters: Princess Gwendolyn, Eldrick, Albert, Sir Laughsalot, Duchess, King 
Theme music
ELDRICK, SIR LAUGHSALOT, and ALBERT burst into the castle where PRINCESS GWENDOLYN is sitting on the floor, wailing.
Sir Laughsalot: It’s the Princess!
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN shakes with sobs.
Eldrick: (kneeling beside her) Princess, whatever is the matter?
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (between sobs) I . . . I don’t know! I just started crying for reason! (bursts into fresh tears) 
ELDRICK gives the PRINCESS a hankie. The PRINCESS blows her nose long and loud. 
Albert: (to SIR LAUGHSALOT) What should we do?
SIR LAUGHSALOT comically shrugs and backs off.
ALBERT notices that the PRINCESS is holding something and it’s now in her lap.
Albert: Hey! Is that . . . an ?
He bends down and takes the onion from her. It has a huge bite taken out of it.
Albert: Princess, were you eating this before you started crying?
Princess Gwendolyn: (through sobs) Y-yes.
ELDRICK, SIR LAUGHSALOT, and ALBERT exchange glances. They are sympathetic but amused.
Albert: No wonder you’re crying! Onions can make people cry.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (wipes her eyes) Oh, really? I didn’t know, I’ve never taken a bite out of one before. I was so hungry, you see, so I went to the kitchens for a snack, but Cook was gone, and all I could find was this onion, and I thought if I used my imagination and pretended  hard that it was an apple, it would taste like an apple, but when I took a bite out of it, I started crying, and I didn’t know I was crying, and I thought I  be sad about thing, because people cry when they’re sad, but I didn’t know what I was sad , and that made me cry even harder. (finally, a pause) And then you came, and . . . who are you?
Albert: My name is Albert.
Princess Gwendolyn: Albert. That’s a nice name. I’m Gwendolyn—er, Princess Gwendolyn.
Eldrick: (warning) Princess, do you remember what I told you about pretending?
Princess Gwendolyn: Yes. (reciting the rhyme) “Pretending is fun, but don’t take it too far. Take care, or you could wind up with a scar.”
Sir Laughsalot: (aside to ALBERT, rhyming intentionally) Her imagination is a little .
The PRINCESS stands and faces ALBERT. She tosses her head back and points at her chin.
Princess Gwendolyn: See? I got this scar on my chin because I was pretending to be like Jack and the beanstalk! I imagined that I had my own special beans that I planted, and they sprouted and grew into a giant beanstalk, only it was really just the old oak tree in the garden, and I climbed up, up, up the beanstalk . . . but then I fell down all the way and I hit the ground very hard, and scraped up my hands and knees and hit my chin on a sharp rock. After that, Eldrick and my father told me I mustn’t get carried away when I’m imagining things, or I could really hurt myself.
Albert: Wow. 
Eldrick: In case you hadn’t noticed, the Princess has quite the imagination.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (eagerly) What kinds of things do  like pretending, Albert?
Albert: Oh . . . well, I’ve always imagined what it would be like to be a Knight of the Square Table! That’s why I came here. I just arrived today and Eldrick and Sir Laughsalot are training me.
Sir Laughsalot: Guess you can check “Save a Damsel in Distress” off your list, huh, Albert? (playfully elbows ALBERT, knocking the wind out of ALBERT for a moment)
Princess Gwendolyn: Sometimes I like to pretend I’m a knight. I imagine I’m charging into battle on my horse or fighting a fearsome dragon! But then I usually end up breaking something, like that time I was running through the Great Hall and knocked over a vase and broke it . . . 
Albert: Sir Laughsalot has already given me a sword fighting lesson and taught me some of the basics.
Princess Gwendolyn: (sighs) I wish I could learn how to use a sword.
Sir Laughsalot: Hmm, I sure don’t. . . . But speaking of that, Albert, we ought to get back to your training!
Princess Gwendolyn: I should like to introduce him to my father first. It wouldn’t take long.
Eldrick: I’m not sure, Your Highness. The King is a very busy man . . . 
Albert: (overcome by the thought of meeting the King) The ?
Princess Gwendolyn: He wouldn’t mind, especially because Albert helped me. I think he’d want to meet him. I’ll go get him! 
The PRINCESS exits to fetch the KING.
Sir Laughsalot: You okay there, Albert? You’re white as a sheep! 
Eldrick: I think you mean white as a sheet.
ALBERT is speechless, staring into space. SIR LAUGHSALOT tries snapping his fingers, waving his hands in front of ALBERT’S face, etc.
Sir Laughsalot: (sing-song) Hello-ooo! Anybody home?
Albert: This is really happening! I’m gonna meet the KING!
Sir Laughsalot: (suddenly very serious) Now, listen: (taking ALBERT by the shoulders) don’t forget to bow! And call him, “Your Majesty.” You’ve got to make a good impression.
Albert: (nervously) Okay.
Eldrick: Oh, don’t make him any more nervous than he already is, Sir Laughsalot. Just be yourself, Albert. Come and meet us outside afterwards.
Albert: I will!
ELDRICK and SIR LAUGHSALOT exit. PRINCESS GWENDOLYN arrives with the KING. ALBERT is visibly affected by seeing the KING.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: Father, this is the boy I wanted you to meet, Albert!
ALBERT faints.
Princess Gwendolyn: Oh dear! (rushes over and fans his face) Albert? Albert, wake up.
Albert: (coming to) Ughhh . . . (realizes what happened) Your-Your Majesty! (fumbles and stumbles, clumsily trying his best to assume a knightly bow) 
King: (chuckling) It’s a pleasure to meet you, young man. You may rise.
Princess Gwendolyn: I was crying when Eldrick, Sir Laughsalot, and Albert found me. Albert figured out right away it was because of the onion, and helped me stop crying!
KING: (amused) What am I going to do with you, Gwendolyn? (to ALBERT) Thank you for helping my very imaginative daughter, Albert.
Princess Gwendolyn: Albert is training to become a Knight of your Square Table, Father! He just arrived at the castle today.
King: Ah! Well, you are most welcome here. Knighthood is a high calling. I rely upon my knights to help protect the kingdom and stand for truth. May you train well and prove yourself worthy.
Albert: Th-thank you! Your Majesty!
King: Will Eldrick and Sir Laughsalot be training you, then?
Albert: Yes, I had my first lessons today.
King: You couldn’t be trained by two better men. I look forward to seeing what God does in your life, Albert. And now, I must return to my duties. There is much to do. (to his daughter) In two days’ time we ride to a nearby village to resolve a disagreement between some noblemen. (hugs her) Off with you now—and no more snacking on raw onions!
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (giggling) Yes, Father. I’ll never make that mistake again!
ALBERT and the PRINCESS say their goodbyes and the KING exits. The DUCHESS has entered and is lurking in the background, but ALBERT and the PRINCESS don’t see her.
Princess Gwendolyn: I’m still very hungry, though. I think I’ll go see if Cook is back with any real apples! Can you find your way back outside all right, Albert?
Albert: Yes, I think so.
Princess Gwendolyn: I’ll see you later, then! (exits)
Albert: Bye! 
DUCHESS: (appearing and startling ALBERT) Hello there.
Albert: Oh! I didn’t see you there, Your Grace.
Duchess: The Princess is a delightful young lady, isn’t she? So charming and . . . .
Albert: (laughs) You could say that.
DUCHESS: (after a pause) I just happened to be passing by and saw you with the King.
Albert: (naïvely) Yes, Your Grace. Princess Gwendolyn wanted to introduce me and I got to meet him! And on my very first day, too!
Duchess: How exciting. That was very thoughtful of him to take time out of his busy day to meet you.
Albert: Yes, it was. He is very busy, though. It sounds like he has a long journey planned soon.
Duchess: Oh, is that so? (cunningly) Did he say where he is going, and when?
Albert: He said he’s going to a nearby village to settle a disagreement of some sort, in a couple days.
Duchess: Hmm, I wonder which village. (pause) Albert . . . do you think you could find out for me?
Albert: (uneasy) I don’t know . . . 
Duchess: (sneakily, lying) Oh, that’s all right. I was just wondering. I’m planning a special banquet for the King and all the nobles. If I knew where the King was going, I would know how far away it is and when he’ll be back, and what night I should plan the banquet.
Albert: (reassured) That makes sense. I can ask the Princess and let you know!
Duchess: Oh, thank you, Albert! If you do this for me, I won’t forget.
Albert: Thank you, Your Grace.
The DUCHESS exits and ALBERT goes outside.
Albert: Eldrick, Sir Laughsalot! I’m back!
GEORGE THE DRAGON roars in greeting [ROAR sfx].
Albert: It’s just me, George. How are ya, boy?
Sir Laughsalot: (entering) Albert! How did it go with the King? Were you nervous? Hey, that reminds me of a joke! Which of the king’s knights never doubted himself? (pause) . You know, like tain? GEORGE THE DRAGON groans [GROAN sfx]. 
Eldrick: (entering, carrying a gift for ALBERT) I think Albert—and George—have had enough of your jokes for one day.
GEORGE THE DRAGON roars in agreement [LITTLE ROAR sfx].
Sir Laughsalot: Hmm, you’re probably right. I need some new material. (face brightens with an idea) Maybe Sir Percival can help! (exits)
Eldrick: I have something for you, Albert. (pause) You’ve dreamed your whole life of becoming a knight. But more important than becoming a knight is becoming a child of God. Now, a knight needs his armor. Well, there is another kind of armor that God gives his children to wear. It’s invisible, but just as real. The first piece of that spiritual armor is the belt of truth. (hands his gift, a leather belt, to ALBERT) When you wear this belt, let it be a physical reminder to you of the spiritual armor given from God to his children. The belt of truth helps us to be people who tell the truth, just as God does. (helps ALBERT put on the belt) “Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth,” with unshakable faith in God and his Word. 
ALBERT: Thank you, Eldrick! I will treasure it always. But, Eldrick . . . how do I become God’s child?
Eldrick: Let’s sit down.
ELDRICK and ALBERT cross to the bench, where they sit.
Eldrick: There are two kingdoms—good, and bad. The good kingdom is God’s, and the bad is Satan’s. When we’re born, we’re born into the bad kingdom. From our childhood, we disobey God’s commands—that’s sin. Sin is what separates us from God—from his good kingdom. But God sent his son, Jesus, as a perfect substitute for our sins. Jesus lived a perfect life, died in our place, and rose from the dead so we can be forgiven and be part of God’s good kingdom as children of God. We need only admit we have sinned and that we need Jesus to receive God’s forgiveness. If you do this, God will make you his child and give you his special armor to wear so you can have an unshakable faith and stand strong against evil. 
Albert: I see. I have a lot to think about after today.
Eldrick: Yes. And as you think about things, you should study the Book of Truth.
ALBERT: That’s right, the special copy you gave me . . . 
ALBERT glances around for the copy ELDRICK had previously given him, but it is nowhere to be seen.
Albert: I left it here on the bench . . . did you see it, Eldrick?
Eldrick: I’m sorry, Albert. I haven’t seen it since I gave it to you.
ALBERT searches around and under the bench as PRINCESS GWENDOLYN enters, crunching an apple.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (with her mouth full) Hello, Eldrick. Hello, Albert!
GEORGE THE DRAGON roars for attention [HAPPY ROAR sfx].
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (baby talking to him) Aw, hi, boy! Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about you. You want a treat? You want it?
She tosses her apple into the den and a loud crunching is heard [CRUNCHING sfx]. The PRINCESS giggles.
Albert: I can’t find it anywhere!
Princess Gwendolyn: What’s the matter, Albert?
Albert: The Book of Truth Eldrick gave me. I left it here earlier, but it’s gone! I’ve got to find it! (ALBERT takes off)
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (chasing after him) Wait up, Albert! I can help!
Eldrick: (following slowly) Albert, wait! Let’s think about this. Maybe you should try retracing your steps . . . !
Theme music

 DAY 3 DRAMA
Characters: Princess Gwendolyn, Eldrick, Albert, Sir Laughsalot, Duchess 
Theme music
ALBERT, ELDRICK, and the PRINCESS enter from the back, hurriedly searching through the aisles, looking around for the Book of Truth. They are shouting back and forth.
Albert: Does anybody see anything?
Princess Gwendolyn:  Nothing over here!
Eldrick:  I don’t see it anywhere.
Albert: What about over there? Has anybody looked there?
Eldrick:  Yes, nothing.
Princess Gwendolyn:  Wait, I think I see. . . !
Albert: (rushing over) What?!
Eldrick: (following) Did you find it?
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (sadly) . . . No, never mind. 
All three give a large collective sigh. ALBERT heads to the stage, discouraged. The others begin to follow him. ALBERT slumps onto the bench.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (sitting beside him) I’m sorry, Albert. 
Albert: Thanks. I just can’t believe it’s gone. I’m so sorry, Eldrick. I know it was special.
Eldrick:  Don’t worry, my boy. Let’s not give up yet. It could still turn up. 
GEORGE THE DRAGON growls [GROWL sfx].
Princess Gwendolyn:  What’s wrong, boy?
GEORGE THE DRAGON roars [ROAR sfx].
Princess Gwendolyn:  I think George saw something. Did you see what happened to Albert’s Book of Truth, George?
GEORGE THE DRAGON makes a long series of snarls and rumbles, as if telling a long story [DRAGON TALK sfx].
Princess Gwendolyn:  Do either of you speak dragon?
Albert: No.
Eldrick:  I’m afraid not.
Princess Gwendolyn:  I thought I did, but I guess it was just my imagination again.
GEORGE THE DRAGON sighs/huffs [DRAGON SIGH sfx].
Sir Laughsalot: (entering) Ho there! Why’s everybody looking so down in the dumps? 
Eldrick:  Albert’s lost his special copy of the Book of Truth I gave him. My old one with all my notes in it.
Albert: It was here, but now it’s gone.
Sir Laughsalot: Hmm, that is a pity. Can I help you look for it?
Albert: Thanks, but we’ve already looked pretty much everywhere.
Sir Laughsalot: Maybe what you all need is a break. Sometimes it helps to take your mind off things for a bit. I know! How about one of my new jokes? Sir Percival and I just came up with a good one! Knock, knock!
Albert: I’m not really in the mood for a joke.
Sir Laughsalot: Okay, well . . . what about another sword fighting lesson? Would that help?
Albert: Mmm, maybe later.
Eldrick:  Albert, I have an idea. Why don’t I go ask the servants if they’ve seen it?
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (perking up) Oh! I could ask Cook!
Sir Laughsalot: And I’ll ask Sir Percival and the other knights!
Albert: (encouraged) Oh, thank you, everyone. I’ll look around here some more. 
Sir Laughsalot: I’m sure we’ll track it down in no time, little buddy. Just call me (he strikes a pose), “Sir Looksalot!”
ELDRICK and the PRINCESS go their separate ways. SIR LAUGHSALOT starts to run one way, then realizes he needs to go the other way. He turns and runs in the right direction. ALBERT gets on his hands and knees, looking around. He bumps his head on the bench.
Albert: Ouch! Ugh, I lost the Book of Truth and found a headache.
The DUCHESS enters. She notices ALBERT on the ground.
DUCHESS: Albert!
GEORGE THE DRAGON growls [GROWL sfx].
Albert: (stands, rubbing his head, acknowledging her) Your Grace.
DUCHESS: Is something the matter?
Albert: I lost something. The Book of Truth that Eldrick gave me. The copy he’s had for a long time and made all his notes in. It was here not long ago, but it’s disappeared. We’ve looked everywhere but I can’t find it.
DUCHESS: Oh, that’s too bad. Well, it’s just a dusty old book, anyway, right?
GEORGE THE DRAGON growls again, louder and angrier this time [BIG GROWL sfx].
DUCHESS: (irritated) Quiet, you. (to ALBERT) You really shouldn’t allow yourself to get so upset about something that doesn’t really matter, Albert.
Albert: But it does matter! (catches himself) I mean, with all due respect, Your Grace. Studying the Book of Truth is important. If I want to learn more about God and absolute truth, I need to study his Word. It’s where the knight’s code comes from.
DUCHESS: Is that what Eldrick told you?
Albert: Yes.
DUCHESS: Albert, he’s only telling you what he wants you to believe so you’ll be like him and do what you’re told. The Book of Truth is just a lot of fairytales written a long time ago. 
Albert: (suspiciously) That’s not what Eldrick said.
DUCHESS: How does he know the Book of Truth is God’s Word? How do you know what absolute truth is?
Albert: Because . . . because . . .
DUCHESS:  I’m sorry you lost your book, but don’t worry. You can become a knight without it. (sweetly) Remember, I’ll help you, if you’ll help me. Don’t forget I need you to find out about the King’s plans. I need an answer by tomorrow night. So I can, you know, plan the banquet.
ALBERT is quiet.
DUCHESS: You’ve had a long day, Albert. What you need is a good night’s rest. Tell Eldrick I said so. Good night. (exits) 
The PRINCESS enters, carrying an apple.
Princess Gwendolyn:  I’m sorry, Albert. Cook hasn’t seen it.
Albert: (sighs) Well, thanks for asking.
Princess Gwendolyn:  But I brought you an apple. (hands it to him) And it really is an apple. Not an onion. (giggles)
Albert: (thankful but disappointed) Thanks, Your Highness. I’m not really hungry right now, but I’ll save it for later.
Princess Gwendolyn:  Maybe Sir Laughsalot was right. Maybe what you need is a break! We could play a game!
Albert: I don’t know . . .
Princess Gwendolyn:  Aw, c’mon Albert. Playing games always cheers me up. Especially using my imagination! 
Albert: All right. What did you have in mind?
Princess Gwendolyn:  Well . . . if you’re not going to eat your apple, we could play toss with it! And every time one of us catches it, you have to imagine something funny! Like . . . a horse dressed like a gentleman, riding in a carriage pulled by people! (giggles)
Albert: (giving in) Okay, I guess it can’t hurt.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (excitedly) You stand here.
She takes ALBERT by the shoulders and positions him just so, first guiding him to a good spot and then adjusting his stance down to the centimeter. 
Princess Gwendolyn:  Ready?
She stands opposite him at a distance, and they take turns tossing the apple back and forth, sharing their funny ideas. ALBERT participates halfheartedly at first, but eventually relaxes.
Albert: Um . . . a princess kissing a frog.
Princess Gwendolyn:  A bear juggling a bunch of beehives and he’s covered in sticky honey! (giggling)
Albert: A court jester doing a cartwheel and crashing into a suit of armor.
Princess Gwendolyn:  George being chased by a dog, being chased by a cat . . . being chased by a mouse!
GEORGE THE DRAGON protests with a growl [GROWL sfx].
Albert: A dog dancing a jig!
ALBERT does a little jig and the PRINCESS giggles, then joins him. They link arms and dance in a circle, going faster and faster until they get dizzy and fall down, laughing.
Albert: (through laughter) A fancy royal ball, but everyone is wearing pajamas and carrying stuffed animals!
Princess Gwendolyn:  And instead of dancing they have a big pillow fight and feathers go everywhere! 
ALBERT and the PRINCESS laugh heartily. ELDRICK and SIR LAUGHSALOT enter.
Eldrick:  Sounds like you’ve cheered him up, Princess. Well done, I’m glad. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but no one we spoke to has seen the Book of Truth, Albert.
Albert: (standing up) It’s okay. Thanks for trying.
Eldrick:  We’ll keep looking tomorrow.
Princess Gwendolyn:  Yes, we’ll find it! I already imagined we would, and you were so relieved and we were all so happy that we threw a big banquet to celebrate, with ever so much food, and music, and fireworks, and all of us were there—you and me and Eldrick and Sir Laughsalot and all the knights and my father and the whole kingdom and—
Eldrick: (interrupting) Yes, yes, we can imagine it quite vividly, Your Highness.
Albert: Thank you all for your help.
Sir Laughsalot: That’s what friends are for, Al!
Eldrick:  Well, it’s getting late and we all ought to get some food in our bellies and go to bed. 
Sir Laughsalot: That’s right! Hey, do you know which time of day a knight has to be especially on his guard?
Albert: Wait, let me guess. Knight-time?
Sir Laughsalot: That’s right!
ALBERT and SIR LAUGHSALOT chuckle.
Eldrick:  Albert, you’d be most welcome to take your supper with me tonight. Then we can set you up in one of the spare rooms where you can sleep.
Albert: Thank you!
Sir Laughsalot: (putting an arm around ALBERT) Now, Albert, sleep is very important for your training! You better have a good night if you want to be a .
Albert: (laughing) I will. 
Sir Laughsalot: (pointing at him) I better see you bright and early for your second day tomorrow, Albert! ‘Night, everyone! (exits)
Princess Gwendolyn:  Good night, Sir Laughsalot! G’night, Albert, Eldrick. See you tomorrow! I wonder what I’ll dream about tonight! (skips off)
Eldrick:  This way, Albert.
They enter the castle. ELDRICK is leading ALBERT. Once inside, ALBERT hesitates.
ALBERT: Eldrick, can I tell you something?
Eldrick: (turning and walking back toward him) Of course.
Albert: Well, while you and the others were gone, and I was looking for the Book of Truth, the Duchess found me in the courtyard. 
Eldrick:  She did, did she?
ALBERT: Yes. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her. But then she said something strange. She said I shouldn’t be so upset because the Book of Truth isn’t that important. She said I don’t need it.
ELDRICK: Hmm.
Albert: And I knew that couldn’t be right because that’s not what you said. But she sounded so sure. She said the Book of Truth is just a bunch of fairytales and we can’t really know that it’s God’s Word.
Eldrick: (solemn) Then it’s just as I feared. The Duchess is not on the side of good.
Albert: You mean . . . she’s bad?
Eldrick:  I’m afraid so. Do you remember what I told you about how God is the source of absolute truth and he cannot lie? But his enemy, Satan, is the father of lies? The Duchess has been telling you lies to undermine your training.
Albert: (wrestling with this) But she’s been so nice to me.
Eldrick:  That may be, but the Duchess has shown whose side she’s on by trying to make you doubt God and his Word.
Albert: (thinking) I’m not sure what to do, Eldrick.
Eldrick:  You must make a decision, Albert. If you’re on God’s side, as his child and part of his good kingdom, you’ll be right with him and at peace. If you’re not on his side, and part of the bad kingdom, you’ll be at war with him. Remember the spiritual armor, starting with the belt of truth? Next come the breastplate of righteousness and the shoes of peace. The breastplate of righteousness will help you to do what’s right. You’ll wear the shoes of peace that you may share the truth with other people . . . even people like the Duchess. (puts a comforting arm around ALBERT) Come, my boy. You’ve had a long day. Let’s get something to eat.
ALBERT and ELDRICK exit.
The DUCHESS enters, talking out loud to herself and basking in her evil plans.
DUCHESS: Ah. Is there anything more satisfying than a hard day’s work? My plan is coming along quite nicely. I’ve got that young Albert just where I want him. (laughing mockingly) All he can think about is becoming a knight, he’d do absolutely anything. He has no idea that  stole his Book of Truth, and next I’m going to steal the crown! Once he tells me where the King is going, I’ll send my servants to follow the King and take care of . The King will never return, and I’ll be ready to steal the crown before the Princess can take her father’s place.  will be Queen . . . before that silly Princess can even it! (laughs evilly and exits) 
Theme music

DAY 4 DRAMA
Characters: Princess Gwendolyn, Eldrick, Albert, Sir Laughsalot 
Theme music
Castle interior. ALBERT and ELDRICK enter.
Eldrick: How did you sleep last night, Albert?
Albert: Not very well. I had a really strange dream.
Eldrick: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What was it about?
Albert: I saw a golden crown sitting on a pedestal. It was shining in the sunlight. I had this warm, safe feeling. Everything was peaceful. But then the dream changed. There was a shadow that got bigger and bigger. It looked like someone’s hand. Everything started to get dark, and I felt scared. The shadow started to reach for the crown, but just before it could grab it, I woke up.
Eldrick: (contemplating) Hmm, that strange. 
Albert: Do you think it means anything?
Eldrick: I don’t know. Why don’t you head outside. I’m sure Sir Laughsalot is eager to get started on your second day of training. I must speak with the King.
Albert: Is everything okay, Eldrick?
Eldrick: I pray so.
ELDRICK pats ALBERT on the shoulder. ALBERT and ELDRICK go their separate ways. ALBERT exits to the castle courtyard. 
GEORGE THE DRAGON roars in greeting [HAPPY ROAR sfx].
Albert: Hi, George! How are you today?
SIR LAUGHSALOT enters.
Sir Laughsalot: Ah! Good morning, Al! 
Albert: Good morning, Sir Laughsalot! I’m ready for my next sword fighting lesson!
Sir Laughsalot: Ha, ha! Excellent! (gives ALBERT a sword) First, let’s see what you remember.
SIR LAUGHSALOT and ALBERT engage in a careful skirmish, slowly following the same movements ALBERT has learned. ALBERT is distracted at first, but they get into a flow and pick up a bit of speed. 
SIR LAUGHSALOT: Well done, Albert! You’ve got the angles of attack down pat. I think it’s time to move on to defense. It’s important to learn how to defend yourself in a fight, so you don’t end up like my friend.
Albert: (somberly) Oh! What happened to him?
Sir Laughsalot: Poor fellow was fighting a duel. His foe landed quite the low blow. Left him de-feeted. (pointing to ALBERT’S feet with his sword) Get it? It’s a joke. (acting it out) Defeated? De-feeted? 
Eldrick: (entering) Ah, it’s defensive skills today, is it? (sits on the bench to watch)
Sir Laughsalot: (clears his throat) That’s right! (to ALBERT) The easiest defensive move in sword fighting is the simple step away. You want to step away from your opponent’s attack. When your opponent brings their sword toward you, you can take a big step back to avoid their attack. (demonstrating) Now you try.
SIR LAUGHSALOT swings his sword toward ALBERT from left to right. ALBERT steps back to avoid it. They do this a few times with SIR LAUGHSALOT changing his angle of attack each time.
Sir Laughsalot: Well done! This move will work best when your opponent is going for your body, but if they’re very fast and skilled, they might try to jab you with their sword when you step back, so watch out! You don’t want to get skewered! Now, let’s go back and forth and add a little movement! Follow my lead. Take it slow, now.
SIR LAUGHSALOT and ALBERT go back and forth, moving around the stage a bit with their movements. SIR LAUGHSALOT throws in a twirl here and there, turning in a slow circle as he brings his sword down, and ALBERT blocks it. When they are done, they’re both breathing hard from the exercise.
Sir Laughsalot: Well done, Albert! You’re a fast learner.
Albert: (pleased) Thanks! 
ELDRICK: (approaching) Yes, well done, Albert. Now, if I might interrupt, I have a question. What two pieces of armor does a knight wear to protect him from his enemy’s attacks?
Sir Laughsalot: (raising his hand and jumping up and down) Oh, oh! I know this one!
Eldrick: (giving him a reproving look) Let Albert answer.
Albert: His shield?
Eldrick: That’s right. And what is the other?
SIR LAUGHSALOT is biting his nails and trying very hard not to burst out with the answer.
Albert: His helmet!
SIR LAUGHSALOT releases the breath he was holding.
Eldrick: Yes. His shield and helmet. Today you’re learning about how to protect yourself in a sword fight by using good defense. A knight also wears a shield and helmet to protect his body in battle. In the same way, there are two pieces of spiritual armor that will protect you from Satan’s attacks: the shield of faith and helmet of salvation. When you become God’s child, you belong to him. That doesn’t mean the enemy, Satan, will not tempt you. He wants you to sin or give up. You must learn to discern the truth from lies and not listen to him.
ALBERT: What does mean? 
Sir Laughsalot: Oh! I know this one too! Can I answer this one?
Eldrick: (chuckling) Go ahead.
Sir Laughsalot: It means to tell the difference, like the difference between truth and a lie. 
Eldrick: Sometimes it can be difficult to discern. That’s why the Book of Truth is so important. We can always look to God’s Word for answers.
Albert: Maybe I’ll find my Book of Truth today!
Sir Laughsalot: I wish I could keep looking with you, Albert, but I’ve got to get back to my own training with the other knights now. You keep practicing! I’ll see you later.
Albert: Thank you! I will!
SIR LAUGHSALOT exits.
Albert: Eldrick, how was your meeting with the King? Is everything okay?
Eldrick: I was troubled by your dream, Albert, because I had a similar dream. I’ve been feeling uneasy lately, especially after hearing of your conversations with the Duchess. As an advisor to the King, it’s my job to help look out for him. I thought I should go to him with my concerns.
Albert: And what did he say?
Eldrick: He is considering and praying about things. As am I. I fear the darkness in our dreams may represent a real danger.
Suddenly PRINCESS GWENDOLYN enters, skipping over to ELDRICK and ALBERT.
Princess Gwendolyn: Good morning! 
ALBERT and Eldrick: (bowing) Hello, Your Highness. 
GEORGE THE DRAGON roars in greeting [HAPPY ROAR sfx].
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (baby talking) Hello, George! How are you, boy?
GEORGE THE DRAGON whines [DRAGON WHINE sfx].
Princess Gwendolyn: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your treat! (She pulls a dog bone out of her pocket and tosses it to GEORGE) Here you go! 
A loud crunching is heard [CRUNCHING sfx].
Princess Gwendolyn: Albert, I was thinking I should give you a tour of the castle today! Would you like me to show you around?
Albert: I would love that! (turns to ELDRICK) Is that okay, Eldrick?
Eldrick: Of course. Just take care—both of you. These are uncertain times. Remember what you’ve learned, Albert.
Princess Gwendolyn: Don’t worry, we’ll be careful. 
Albert: See you later, Eldrick!
ELDRICK bows and exits.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (grabbing ALBERT’S shoulder) Come on, Albert!
They run inside the castle.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: You’ve already seen the Great Hall. People come and go all the time through here! All those paintings on the walls are important lords and ladies from the past. I like to imagine what their lives might have been like! (She points to a painting hanging on the wall or one that’s not visible) See that lady? She has kind eyes, doesn’t she? I always imagined that she lived in a cottage in the forest and could speak to the animals! And when she married a lord and became a lady, she moved into the castle and brought all 100 of her pets! 
Albert: Do you know what she was like in real life?
Princess Gwendolyn: She was known to be quite grumpy . . . and she was deathly allergic to animals. (pause) This way!
ALBERT follows the PRINCESS down an aisle of the church.
Princess Gwendolyn: Down this hallway are portraits of my family! My father and great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather and great-great-great-grandfather and great-great-great- (she takes a huge breath) GREAT grandfather. And so on. And aunts and uncles and cousins. That’s my third cousin once removed on my mother’s side.
Albert: (following her) Princess Gwendolyn, where is your mother?
Princess Gwendolyn: She’s in heaven.
Albert: Oh, I’m sorry.
Princess Gwendolyn: Thanks . . . I really miss her, but I know she’s in heaven with God and so someday I’ll get to see her again.
ALBERT and the PRINCESS come up another aisle of the church.
Princess Gwendolyn: Down there are the servant’s quarters and the kitchen—that’s my favorite place in the castle!—and out there are the stables. The throne room is over there. Up there are the royal bedchambers—and over there is the grand ballroom.
Albert: That’s where the pillow fights happen, right?
Princess Gwendolyn: Pillow fights? (She remembers) Oh, yes! (giggling) The pillow fights.
They are back where they started in the Great Hall.
Princess Gwendolyn: And here we are back in the Great Hall! 
Albert: Thanks for the tour, Your Highness. The castle is so big!
Princess Gwendolyn: It sure is! I’ve grown up here and I still can get turned around sometimes. Know what else? The castle also has secret tunnels! I’ve heard about a secret chamber hidden somewhere deep below the castle. I imagine it must be ever so mysterious and exciting! I’ve explored some of the tunnels, but I’ve never found the secret chamber. 
Albert: Oh wow! That’s neat.
Princess Gwendolyn: What do you imagine would be down there, Albert?
Albert: I don’t know. Maybe it’s a secret hideout.
Princess Gwendolyn: Yes! For . . . PIRATES!
Albert: (laughing) I don’t know about that . . . 
Princess Gwendolyn: Now I know exactly what I’m going to make believe today! But first, breakfast. I haven’t eaten yet and I’m starving! 
Albert: Yes, and I better go find Eldrick.
Princess Gwendolyn: See you later, Albert!
The PRINCESS exits. ALBERT exits the other way to the castle exterior. He thinks out loud.
Albert: Wow, a secret chamber. Sounds mysterious. (pause) Hey, maybe it really is a secret hideout. Maybe it’s the secret hideout of a thief! Maybe whoever took my Book of Truth hid it in the secret chamber . . . 
Eldrick: (entering) Albert. You’re back.
Albert: Yes, the Princess went to get some breakfast. Eldrick, did you know the Queen before she . . . well, you know . . . before she died?
Eldrick: I did. I knew her from the time she was a young girl, before she married the King.
Albert: What was she like?
Eldrick: (recalls with a smile) A lot like the Princess. Imaginative, fun-loving, kind. (chuckling) She didn’t have quite as wild an imagination. But she was creative. She liked to paint. She was quite good. Yes, we all still miss her. But we know that we’ll see her again. She was a child of God and she’s in heaven with him now.
Albert: (after a pause) Eldrick, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you’ve told me. About God and his good kingdom, and about truth and spiritual armor. I’ve decided I want to be part of God’s good kingdom, Eldrick. I don’t want to be part of the bad kingdom. I know I’ve sinned—I’ve lied and disobeyed my parents and so much more. And I know I’m separated from God because of my sin. I’m sorry for that sin and want to be saved from it. I want to be God’s child and wear his armor, and be a good knight. I want to serve God and the King by standing for the truth.
Eldrick: (beaming) I couldn’t be happier to hear that, Albert. Come.
They go to the bench and sit down.
Eldrick: All you must do is pray to God and tell him what you just told me. Tell him that you’re sorry for your sin and you know you need Jesus. Salvation is a free gift, one that you only need ask for.
Albert: Okay. (bows his head) Um . . . dear God . . . Thank you for my new friends Eldrick, Sir Laughsalot, and Princess Gwendolyn. Thank you for sending your son Jesus to die for my sins so that we can become part of your good kingdom. Thank you that he rose from the dead. Please forgive me for my sins and make me your child. Please give me your spiritual armor so that I can stand strong against evil.  . . . (speaking quicker) And please help me become a knight! . . . And please help me to find the Book of Truth so I can learn more. Amen.
ELDRICK: Amen. (hugs Albert)
Albert: Thank you, Eldrick! Now I have to find the Book of Truth. And I think I might know just where to look! (runs into the castle and disappears)
Eldrick: Albert, wait! Where are you going? Albert! (follows ALBERT)
Theme music
DAY 5 DRAMA
Characters: Princess Gwendolyn, Eldrick, Albert, Duchess, Sir Laughsalot, King
Theme music
ELDRICK is wandering the hallways of the castle aisles, calling and looking for ALBERT, who has disappeared. ELDRICK has been searching for a while now and is quickly becoming concerned. The PRINCESS enters and stands inside the castle.
Princess Gwendolyn: Eldrick, what’s wrong? Where’s Albert?
Eldrick: (answering as he moves toward her) I don’t know, Your Highness. He ran into the castle and disappeared. Last I saw him, he said he thought he might know where his Book of Truth was. I’ve been looking for him for hours, but he’s nowhere to be found.
Princess Gwendolyn: Oh, dear! (thinking, then realizing she might know where he went) Oh dear, oh dear! 
Eldrick: What is it, Your Highness?
Princess Gwendolyn: When I showed him around the castle, I told him about the secret tunnels and the legend about the secret chamber. I wonder if he’s gone searching for it! 
Eldrick: That isn’t good. The secret passageways can be dangerous. We must search for him. (begins to exit) Let’s fetch Sir Laughsalot. He knows the tunnels better than I. 
The PRINCESS follows ELDRICK and they exit to the exterior. SIR LAUGHSALOT is talking to GEORGE THE DRAGON.
Sir Laughsalot: And then I said, “Who’d want to buy an invisible sword? There’d be no point!” (laughs)
GEORGE THE DRAGON groans [GROAN sfx].
Sir Laughsalot: Oh, you’re just not sharp enough to understand.
GEORGE THE DRAGON growls [GROWL sfx].
Eldrick: Sir Laughsalot, we need your help!
Sir Laughsalot: I’m at your disposal! What’s the matter?
Eldrick: Albert is missing. He disappeared a bit ago to look for his Book of Truth. The Princess suggested that he’d gone looking in the secret tunnels . . . for the secret chamber.
Sir Laughsalot: The secret tunnels? That’s not good! He could get lost! Or worse . . . 
Eldrick: Now, now, let’s not jump to conclusions.
SIR LAUGHSALOT is getting choked up at the thought of something happening to ALBERT.
Sir Laughsalot: Oh, Albert! (breaking down) I’m sorry, little buddy! I failed you! I should have been there to protect you! (sinks to his knees and sobs into the hem of ELDRICK’S tunic) 
Eldrick: Come now, there’s no time to waste! We need your help. You know your way around the tunnels.
Sir Laughsalot: (blows his nose loudly into the hem of ELDRICK’S tunic and then rises, composing himself and proclaiming) Don’t worry, Al! We’re coming for you! (To ELDRICK and the PRINCESS) Follow me!
SIR LAUGHSALOT, ELDRICK, and PRINCESS GWENDOLYN run into the castle and disappear. After a pause, GEORGE THE DRAGON roars [ROAR sfx]. ALBERT emerges from GEORGE’S den, crawling out and coughing from the dust. He is carrying a scroll and his Book of Truth. He steps into the courtyard and looks around frantically.
Albert: (to George) Excuse me, George! (looking around) Eldrick! Sir Laughsalot! 
There is no answer. He moves around the courtyard, looking around and calling out for them.
ALBERT: Sir Laughsalot, where are you? (to himself, pleading) Please, I need you. Where are you?
The DUCHESS enters.
DUCHESS: Well, well, what have we here? Looks like you have something there that belongs to me.
Albert: You. (approaches her) These are your evil plans to steal the crown, aren’t they! (holding up the scroll)
DUCHESS: Clever boy. 
Albert: And you stole my Book of Truth.
DUCHESS: (turning on her charm) I was only trying to help you, Albert. You didn’t need that silly old book to become a knight . . . not with my help.
Albert: You weren’t trying to help me! You were trying to confuse me by lying to me. You just wanted me to get information for you so that you could get rid of the King! 
DUCHESS: So I told a little lie. I did it for your own good! Let me help you, Albert. I can still make you a knight. I’ll make you the greatest knight of them all when I’m Queen. 
Albert: (wants to resist but the idea of becoming a knight is tempting) I . . . 
DUCHESS: You  still want to become a knight, don’t you?
Albert: (faltering) Well, yes, but . . . 
DUCHESS: All you have to do is find out where the King is going, and I’ll take care of the rest. Now, give me the scroll.
Albert: (taking a step back) I . . . 
Suddenly there is a commotion coming from GEORGE’S den that distracts both ALBERT and the DUCHESS. GEORGE THE DRAGON is growling [GROWL sfx] and making noises as the voices of ELDRICK, SIR LAUGHSALOT, and the PRINCESS are heard.
Sir Laughsalot: I think we made a wrong turn. My bad!
Princess Gwendolyn: I see sunlight!
Eldrick: Keep going, Your Highness, we’re almost there.
One by one, the PRINCESS, ELDRICK, and SIR LAUGHSALOT emerge from the den. Amid the confusion, the DUCHESS snatches her plans from ALBERT’S hand and slips off into the castle.
Albert: (reacting) No! (starts after her) 
Eldrick: Albert!
ALBERT turns back and walks over to ELDRICK.
Albert: I’m sorry I ran off. But I had a hunch, and my hunch was right. 
Princess Gwendolyn: You’ve been in the secret tunnels!
Albert: Yes, and what’s more, I found the secret chamber.
SIR LAUGHSALOT, ELDRICK, and the PRINCESS react with gasps, exclamations, etc.
Eldrick: However did you find it? The secret chamber is said to be hidden deep within the heart of the castle. Many have searched the secret tunnels for years and never found it.
Albert: I was praying the whole time. I asked God to show me if the secret chamber was where my Book of Truth was. And look. (shows them the book)
The PRINCESS claps; SIR LAUGHSALOT pats ALBERT on the back, nearly knocking the wind out of him; and ELDRICK is very pleased.
Eldrick: This is wonderful news, Albert, wonderful. I’m glad you prayed. God wants us to talk to him all the time.
Albert: (grows solemn and insistent) I also have bad news, very bad. We have to tell the King right away. Your Highness, we were right. The secret chamber being used as a secret hideout. The Duchess’ secret hideout! She’s made terrible plans—evil plans to get rid of the King and steal the crown! Now I know what our dreams were about, Eldrick! The Duchess tried to get me on her side, saying she’d make me a knight if I helped her by getting her information about the King. I didn’t think that was right, but now I know for sure. I found her plans in the secret chamber, but when I came out from the tunnel, the same way you did, through George’s den, the Duchess was here and she took the scroll. She escaped, and now I don’t have any proof.
ELDRICK: You have your word, Albert. I believe you. We must tell the King at once. 
All four characters rush into the castle. Suddenly, they are stopped in their tracks by the DUCHESS as she enters, blocking their way. She stands facing them, commanding the room.
Eldrick: (stepping forward) It’s over, Duchess. We know your plans and we’re going to tell the King.
Duchess: You may know my plans, but the King never shall! (holds up the scroll) You have no proof.
Sir Laughsalot: (stepping forward, his hand on the hilt of his sword) We will when you hand over that scroll.
Duchess: Never! 
Sir Laughsalot: It wasn’t a suggestion. (draws his sword)
DUCHESS: (backing up) Albert, don’t let them do this. Help me and I will make you the most important, most powerful knight of them all!
Eldrick: Don’t listen to her, Albert! Remember your training. Through prayer and wearing God’s armor, we can have victory over the enemy!
The DUCHESS hisses and makes a run for it, fleeing outside. SIR LAUGHSALOT and then ALBERT pursue.
Eldrick: Princess, let us go warn the King!
ELDRICK and the PRINCESS exit and SIR LAUGHSALOT and ALBERT catch up to the DUCHESS in the courtyard. The DUCHESS is panicking now, knowing her plans are unraveling.
Sir Laughsalot: (cornering her with his sword drawn) Give up, Your Grace. It’s over. Hand us the scroll.
Duchess: Albert, do something! 
Sir Laughsalot: It’s too late.
Duchess: No! Albert, listen. Albert . . .  and together we can rule over the kingdom! I, the Queen, and you, the most important, most powerful knight of all time. No more training, no more silly books, no more talk about absolute truth. Just absolute .Albert: No! (then even more resolutely) No! (pause)I know now that there is such a thing as absolute truth. (takes several steps toward her very slowly as he delivers the following monologue) It’s true for all people, for all times, for all circumstances. The source of that truth is God, and his Word is true. God cannot lie. But Satan can. Satan is the father of lies, and you’re on his side, part of his kingdom. But I’m God’s child now and part of his good kingdom. He’s given me his special armor to wear. You might not be able to see it, but it’s real. (standing still and facing her) The belt of truth helps me have an unshakable faith in God’s Word and helps me tell the truth, like God does. The breastplate of righteousness helps me do the right thing. The shoes of peace let me go and share Jesus with others. And the shield of faith and helmet of salvation help protect me from the enemy’s attacks. You want me to give up and give in to temptation, but through prayer and wearing God’s armor, I can have victory!
The DUCHESS cries out angrily.
The KING, ELDRICK, and the PRINCESS enter.
King: Duchess! I’ve been informed of your treachery. Hand over that scroll.
The DUCHESS, defeated, hands the scroll to SIR LAUGHSALOT who gives it to the KING. SIR LAUGHSALOT continues to hold the DUCHESS at sword point. The KING looks at the plans, and then hands the scroll to ELDRICK.
King: Your plans have been thwarted, Duchess, thanks be to God. I hereby sentence you to life imprisonment in the deepest, darkest dungeon where you will have the rest of your days to consider your choices. I pray it isn’t too late for you to turn from your wicked ways. Take her away, Sir Laughsalot.
SIR LAUGHSALOT bows and obeys, exiting with the DUCHESS. Then the KING approaches ALBERT, who bows.
KING: (kindly) I want to thank you for your heroism, Albert. You braved the secret tunnels and uncovered this sinister plot. Eldrick told me that you told the truth and chose to do what’s right, even though the Duchess offered you something you wanted very much.
Albert: Thank you, Your Majesty. I’m but your humble servant.
King: And we are all servants of the King of Kings. I rejoice that you have become part of his good kingdom as his child. Continue to seek the truth and stand firm in the battle between good and evil . . . from now on, as a Knight of the Square Table. (to the PRINCESS) My sword, please, Gwendolyn. 
The PRINCESS hands the KING his sword as SIR LAUGHSALOT enters and stands with ELDRICK and the PRINCESS, watching.
King: Albert, you have proven yourself worthy, brave, and true. Therefore I, the King, do hereby dub thee, Sir Albert, a Knight of the Square Table!
The KING knights ALBERT. ELDRICK, SIR LAUGHSALOT, and the PRINCESS clap enthusiastically and GEORGE THE DRAGON roars in celebration [HAPPY ROAR sfx].
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (rushing forward) Congratulations, Albert! Er, Albert.
Sir Laughsalot: (approaching ALBERT and sniffling, wiping tears from his eyes) I’m so proud! (pulls ALBERT into an embrace, lifting him off the ground before setting him down again at ELDRICK’S prompting)
Albert: (beaming) Thanks, all of you. I can’t believe it. This is the second best moment of my life!
Princess Gwendolyn: What was the first best?
Albert: The moment I prayed to become God’s child.
ELDRICK gives ALBERT a hug.
King: Gwendolyn, let’s go see to having a banquet planned in Sir Albert’s honor.
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (following him) Oh, how wonderful! Can there be a pillow fight? 
They exit.
Eldrick: Albert, I’m very proud of you.
Albert: Thank you, Eldrick. For everything. 
Eldrick: It’s time to learn about the last piece of spiritual armor.
Albert: There’s another one?
Eldrick: Yes, but it’s one you’ve known about all along. The last piece of armor is the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. The Book of Truth. God wants his children to know it, love it, obey it, and speak it. Your new life as God’s child and your training as a knight have only just begun!
Sir Laughsalot: You’ll be training with the big boys now! Most of the Knights of the Square Table are in their middle ages. Ha! (makes an exaggerated wink at the audience)
PRINCESS GWENDOLYN: (entering) Oh, Albert, Father and I want to know—would you rather have apple pie at your banquet, or an onion pie? (giggling) 
Albert: (laughing) I don’t care (he smiles at the PRINCESS and puts his arms around ELDRICK and SIR LAUGHSALOT), as long as my friends are there!
GEORGE THE DRAGON growls [GROWL sfx].
Albert: And you too, George!
The four friends laugh together and exit into the castle as GEORGE THE DRAGON gives a final roar [ROAR sfx].
Theme music